Diagnosis: I went in to see my family doctor for a sore shoulder back in February of 2001. I used to smoke, so the doctor took a chest x-ray that revealed something just above the waist and I was scheduled for a CT scan. I started thinking, “What’s going on?” I can still remember, it was a Thursday night at 6:00 PM and the doctor called me at home, which was unusual. He told me that I had a large growth on my right kidney. They weren’t sure what it was but I was to see a urologist first thing in the morning. When I met with the urologist he showed me the scans and said, “That’s cancer! We have to get it out and we have to get it out now!”

My wife Tori and I just kind of looked at each other and said, “What? Don’t you need to do tests first?” He said he had dealt with this many times before and he knew exactly what it was. A week later I had my right kidney removed and, with it, the cancer. They said the surgery went well and everything looked really, really good! Obviously, I was very pleased with that! But when the urologist said I didn’t need further follow up, I wasn’t real comfortable with that, so I decided to meet with Dr. Bettag.

Close Follow-Up: I had follow up appointments with Dr. Bettag every six months and things were going well. In early 2003 I had made it two years without a recurrence, but in May of that year a routine CT scan revealed a growth on my right adrenal gland that they needed to biopsy. The biopsy was inconclusive but, as Dr. Bettag said, “If it looks like cancer and smells like cancer, it probably is cancer!” So I had my right adrenal gland removed.

In October of 2004 another routine scan revealed a mass in the renal bed butting up against my liver so I had part of my liver removed and that led to serious complications. I had a fever, then pneumonia, than an infection. At one point they called my wife and my sister Donna in because they didn’t know if I was going to make it through the night. To make matters worse, my only remaining kidney started to fail and I was put on dialysis. But I got through that and, within a week, I was home and completely off dialysis. Even though the surgery was a success, I have to admit I was getting tired! It was almost as if my body was telling me, “Just lay down and go to sleep!” My mind, on the other hand, was telling me, “Don’t give up!” It’s like the mind told the body what to do… and the body listened!

I had to make significant changes to my diet but otherwise everything was cruising along quite well. Then in July of 2005 they found a growth on the left adrenal gland as well as a small tumor on my spine. They performed a radio frequency ablation that took care of the adrenal gland and we decided to “watch and wait” to see what happened in the spine.

A Tough Decision: I had been working full-time up until this point but by November of 2005, the pain was getting really bad. I loved my job! I worked at Rockline Industries for 23 years and was the 1st shift supervisor where I was responsible for about 300 people and three departments. I was having a hard time dealing with the pain and it was getting tougher and tougher just to walk. So I went on disability. That was tough… REALLY tough! I made the decision to leave because I felt it was in the best interest of the people under me. Rockline was always very understanding, and they still are! In fact, recently the general manager, the plant manager, and the safety manager came over to the house with pizza! I am very proud to have worked for a company like that! If I would ever be able to go back to work I would go right back there to do what I was doing! It was a very stressful job and I know that the stress would still be there, but I would deal with the stress differently.

Hope – New Drugs: In January of 2006, I had another radio frequency ablation along with vertebroplasty, a procedure to prohibit tumor growth and strengthen the vertebra. But the pain in my back kept getting worse. Nexavar, the first new drug in many years for renal cell carcinoma, was approved by the FDA in March of ’06 and I started on that right away. The pain continued to worsen. In April I went to the Cleveland Clinic for radiosurgery that offered some relief. By May it was clear that the Nexavar wasn’t working, so we stopped that when another new drug, Sutent, was approved. An MRI in August showed that the cancer was continuing to spread so, again, I went to the Cleveland Clinic for another radiosurgery. This provided only a little bit of relief that lasted a little while. The only other option we had involved very risky surgery and, to be honest, I really don’t think I would have survived the surgery.

Another New Drug: In April of this year, Dr. Bettag got permission to administer Temsirolimus, which at the time was not FDA approved but was showing positive results. Not too much later, it was approved for renal cell because it showed so much promise! This past June a CT scan showed that the cancer continued to spread in my spine and off we went to the Cleveland Clinic for another radiosurgery! This time it did nothing at all. By this time I was feeling weakness in my legs and it was affecting my mobility.

Excruciating Pain: In late June, while I was on my way in for chemo, the pain was so bad that I told my sister to just take me straight to the hospital. I ended up spending the next six weeks, pretty much the entire summer, in the hospital. They tried putting in an epidural for the pain, but the tumor blocked it. So they put me on copious amounts of morphine to help with the excruciating pain which helped at least a little. Everyone, including Dr. Bettag, thought this was the end.

Preparing to Die: I didn’t eat for five days, I was having trouble breathing, and my lower right lung collapsed. I was dying and I knew it! It was scary, but at the same time, I was in so much pain day and night that I was ready. They kept me heavily medicated for about 5 or 6 days just to give my body a rest from the pain, so I don’t remember all of that. Something Miraculous Happened: I remember having this dream. People often talk about “seeing a light” when they are dying. In this dream, I remember thinking, “I know I’m dying, but where’s the light? I don’t see it!” It’s hard to explain and it really isn’t crystal clear to me but I felt as if I was feeling my way in the dark. Then I saw a light… but it was so small! I wondered, “Is this all I get?” I hoped I wasn’t going “the other way!” (Mark laughs) So I started running towards the light. I was running, and running, and running… and then I had to stop because I got pooped, but the light seemed to be just as far away! I thought, “There’s something wrong.”

Then I heard something. It was a soft voice. I can’t say if it was a man’s voice or a woman’s. And all the voice said was, “Mark, it’s not your time!” I remember thinking, “Can you tell me more?” But there was nothing. Then the light went out! At that instant I remember waking up. I was lying next to my wife in the hospice room. I thought, “Okay, I’m still here!” I saw all the stuff I was hooked up to. I shook Tori to wake her up and I said, “Get the nurse in here and tell her she needs to take it easy on the morphine.” At first, Tori was concerned with my pain. I’m sure she didn’t want to see me in pain anymore, but we talked about it. They cut the morphine almost in half and the next morning I was feeling pretty good. I was sitting up. I was eating. There was pain, I still have pain, but nothing like it was. Everything changed… it was just U-N-B-E-L-I-E-V-A-B-L-E! My wife and my sister would tell you that I was dying one night and the next day I was very much alive!

Continuing On: I’m continuing on the Temsirolimus and I still have tumors but they appear to be more stable! In fact, Dr. Bettag thought maybe a few of the smaller ones are gone! I have regained some of the mobility in my lower extremities that I lost while I was in the hospital. I can stand a little bit, I can pivot, and I can take a few steps, but it’s very difficult. I’ll keep working on it!

My Wife & Sister: There are a couple things that have kept me going. First of all, just looking in my wife’s eyes! She has been there for me… all day and all night! So if she is willing to stick by me through all of this, why wouldn’t I be willing to fight for her? That has been the worst part of this whole thing – seeing what my wife has had to go through. That hurts me more than anything! Knowing that there have been nights when she has said “good night” to me, comforting me, stroking my hair, not knowing if it would be the last time she would see me alive! In many ways, what my wife and my sister Donna have been through has been worse than what I have been through! I don’t know if any of my physical pain can compare to that! I just wanted to take that pain away. And, maybe in a way, I did! I don’t mean to say that I did it all on my own, but by not giving up and by fighting to live I think I did my part!

A Love for Life: Plus, I love life! I just couldn’t wait to get out in the sun again and enjoy the smell of fresh-cut grass, or having a cup of coffee on the deck in the morning and listening to the birds. I’ve had this deck for 12 years and I never used it! Now I have a cup of coffee out on the deck every day! Even on the cold and rainy days I will put my coat on and sit outside for a while… just because I can! I guess I’ve just realized how precious life really is and how precious friends and family are!

This experience has certainly changed me. I see life as much more of a gift than just running the rat race! I now realize that the most precious gift I am given is the chance to get up and experience another day! Going for a drive, or a walk, or all of the other stuff that I so often took for granted! It’s kind of sad, but I never took my wife to a movie in the 12 years we’ve been together… but, we’re going to a movie!

Having Faith In Doctors & Nurses: And, of course, without the doctors, without the treatments, without modern medicine I know I wouldn’t be here. The doctor’s and nurses do their job “scientifically.” And I say that with a lot of respect because, as I tell them, they have the toughest job in the world. God bless them! I sure couldn’t do it! I love each and every one of them and I thank God for them every day.

It’s important to have faith in your doctors. If you don’t… find one you do have faith in. To me, that’s one of the most important things to remember when going through something like this. Your doctors can help you in many ways… they can save your life… so have the faith that they can do that and then let them!

Faith, as I see it, is a “letting go.” Having faith in a doctor, for example, is about realizing that the doctors have been taught and trained in certain areas that we may never understand and respecting them enough to let them do their job.

Faith In Something Greater: I’m a Catholic. I may not be a real active practicing Catholic, but I have a great faith in God! So, in the same way, that faith is a “letting go” of things that I don’t understand. I don’t think any of us really understands the bigger picture. I had to just “let go” and let God do his thing! I don’t know what the reason behind all of this really is, but I know there is a reason! God knows and will do what’s best for me and for us! I trust that! I have faith that God will take care of all of us!

I don’t know what will happen to me after I leave this earth but I have faith it will be for the good. Just imagine if we actually knew how good heaven really is? Why would any of us stick around here? Why would I fight so hard to stay alive? I just know that it’s not my time yet! So I have to go with whatever this plan is… because I’m not going to change the inevitable.

Closing: I had one doctor at the Cleveland Clinic who told me earlier this summer that it “really didn’t matter” because I would be dead in a couple months! I’m not angry at him. There’s no time to get angry! I figure he came up with that prognosis out of a book he read. And to him I say, “You may know your medical books… but you don’t know Mark Fritsch!”

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